The Parent Makeover Activities—Your Example to Kids: When’s It Good?

February 6th, 2012

This parent (or any family member) theme brings up a question: Isn’t it prideful to pray, tithe, serve, etc. in front of our children? Aren’t we told to hide what we do for the Lord?

These questions often come about from such passages where Jesus says:

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”[1]

OR

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”[2]

We incorrectly interpret Jesus if we understand him to be only laying out behavioral guidelines in this passage. It’s important that we read these verses in the context of where they are and not isolate them in a way that misrepresents the teaching. If we read carefully, we note that Jesus speaks very specifically in qualifying his words in these two sections by referring to the reason we do it: “to be seen by them [others]”. What Jesus is bringing up is having the right motives. Are we doing things to draw attention to our self? To appear religious or holy in front of others?

As Deuteronomy 6 describes, teaching about faith is important but so is living it out, particularly for children. Seeing teaching expressed in life, children will learn from example. To always hide the expression of living our faith in Christ creates a false message. So, with the right motives of living a God-glorifying life, your children see what following Jesus looks like. With the right motives, we can give a tithe to the church, pray, serve the needy, give to a ministry, and so on in front of our children without contradicting Jesus’ teaching or point of the above verses.

Seeing an example in how one engages in a life of following God can also be used by the Holy Spirit to help children toward the goal of being conformed to the image of Christ[3] and to learn about who God is in the midst of life.  In fact, the role of the Holy Spirit in the life of a Christ-follower/Christian is to bring about right actions with right motives.

So don’t be afraid to live a faith-full life in front of your children but take a moment to pray about your motives: Is it for you to look good or is it for God and his kingdom?

THIS WEEK’S DISCUSSION: (Join the conversation below in the “Comments” link.)

  • How do you nurture/keep your motives pure/focused on God when living out your faith outwardly?

OR

  • What did you observe, experience or learn from your family activity this week?

FOR NEXT WEEK:

Read Chapter 3—The Child Makeover.


[1] Matthew 6:1-4

[2] Matt. 6:6

[3] Romans 8:29

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The Parent Makeover: It is About You…well, sort of.

January 30th, 2012

I don’t know about you, but the initial story of how the dad prays committedly in meetings and the daughter prays in Sunday School… but the dad never prays with the daughter really causes one to reflect.

Holmen describes how it is not a question of are you passing on things to your children, but what are you passing on. The things we pass along are intentional (being generous, spending time in God’s Word, forgiving others), but also the unintentional or what is observed (the anger when dealing with a disagreement, the types of things we watch on TV/movies, the way spouses treat one another, how we spend money).

The study finding that even children/youth report that mother, father, grandparent or another relative rank in the top faith influences reminds us that kids do not look far as they grow in their faith. The family is important.  Christ reminded people that devotion to God was primary, even to family (Matt. 12:46-50), but it was also affirmed that the Christian witness is expressed in serving the family (1 Tim. 5:8).

As Christ-following/Christian households, the parent (or grandparent, aunt/uncle, etc.) role is to have worship be beyond Sunday. Our daily living reflects worshipping God in the home with acts of prayer, teaching, reading, service, giving, disciplining… all in ways that draw the family to God.

Our gathering as the wider church in the world is to be one of equipping, but it is in the home that the faith is daily expressed and passed on. When it moves outside the church building, it reminds children that our God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) is not confined to one spot but is with them in daily situations… and that we are join Him in His work in the world.

One warning: Do not psychologize your faith. This would be the idea that if I do the right number of things I can have a  kid that has faith. That is a church-y kid but is not necessarily one who loves Jesus with faith. The Holy Spirit must be involved for authentic faith to develop. So the goal is to express the faith we have in our actions so that the children in our families (children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc.) will come to love God and have their own relationship with Him.

To live your faith, you must consider your relationship with God. Holmen’s questions are good: Where is Christ standing in our life? At the center? To the side? Far away? This defines whether the faith you live is real… or just for the sake of being an example.

So the family makeover really begins with your makeover.

THIS WEEK’S DISCUSSION: What ways have you kept your relationship with God (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) active in the crazy world of parenting? What would you suggest to for someone who needs to begin their personal spiritual makeover (before starting with their home)?

  • Join the conversation at the “Comments” link below.

FOR NEXT WEEK: Choose and try an activity from pages 57-62.

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The Home Makeover Activities: What is Being Caught?

January 23rd, 2012

But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve… But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD. Joshua 24:15

Hope your activities have gone well. Remember that to have done something is far more important than how many or how long you did it. (Remember that the Holy Spirit can bring good fruit from it… it’s not about your plans.) Whether you tried one of the ideas in the book or used the questions to have some discussion, you are off to a good start. As we explored last week, the things our homes/families are committed to shows in how we live. These activities gave your family some new ideas on what you are about.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (which we’ll explore later in the series) describes the importance of not just teaching about, but living out what we believe. What we believe (and value) is expressed in how we live. So, if we believe Jesus is the Son of God and he is our Lord and Savior, we will live with an awareness of that in our daily lives (however imperfectly we may do it).

The Deut. 6 principle reminds us that we are transformed not just by things taught but by things caught. (Teaching is important, but it is also about living out our faith when following Christ). Some of the greatest impacts we experience are from others’ examples. For example, a parent or other adult who showed that following Jesus was more than just a Sunday thing, such as in sacrificing their plans for an hour to serve someone else or offering forgiveness to someone who has wronged them. Seeing this (and experiencing it) in everyday contexts of the family (whether parents, grandparents, older siblings, younger siblings, etc.) can be a powerful example that the Holy Spirit can use to further draw each of you in the family to a faithful life in following Jesus.

So we hope you had a positive experience with the activities. Watch for the everyday little moments in life that can become a faith “activity” to teach or express the life of Christ. It’s not always what you plan. May you have eyes to see and ears to hear!

THIS WEEK’S DISCUSSION: What did you observe, experience or learn from your family activity? (God works in unexpected ways so it may not have been what you planned.)

  • Join us in the conversation below in the “Comments” link.

FOR NEXT WEEK:

Read Chapter 2.

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The Home Makeover (Ch. 1): Don’t Let Your Family Get Squished Like a Grape

January 16th, 2012

But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve… But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD. Joshua 24:15

What is the focus of your home? This is a core question for a family and the focus of the first chapter of the book.

In many ways, we like to straddle commitments. We don’t want to appear too radical or we prefer to not be too committed for fear of what we may need to change. But, yet, that is sometimes where a family’s struggle lies: in having too many commitments…with God watered down or out of the family’s life where He is no longer God. Not surprising. It is easy to put children’s excelling in sports, music or academics above Him. It is easy to put our career or hobby priorities over guiding our family in Christ.

A “classic” movie, The Karate Kid, offers an object lesson on this theme. The mentor to a teenager describes how one can walk down the right side of the road safely, one can walk down the left side of the road safely, but if you walk down the middle of the road… soon you will squish like a grape.

A life of faith in Christ is not one of walking the middle (although there will be temporary times that we dwell there). Do we consider God a foundation for our life and family…or do we consider Him an extra? We all split our lives into parts (or compartmentalize), but all of it comes before God. Joshua (in 24:15) describes well the reminder that a life of faith is not fallen into or lived in pieces. A life of faith in Christ (individual or as a family) is a response, a decision, to His calling (John 1:10-13; Rev. 3:20). And, as Joshua notes, it is one we express in our “households”: our families.

FOR THIS WEEK’S DISCUSSION:

What makes you and your family straddle commitments? Are there areas this happens? And, importantly, how have you gotten past walking the middle (if even for a time)? (Share some discussion below by replying to this post.)

Be encouraged: The God you seek to make the foundation of your family receives the weak, the sinful, the struggling…in other words, He is open to us all in Christ. As you try next week’s activity, realize the grace of God for your family and remember Jesus words, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. As you seek to live your life as a family following Jesus, the Holy Spirit will take your small efforts and will begin to speak to your family and children through them.

FOR NEXT WEEK:

Try one of the three activities in pages 28-37 or use the discussion starters on p. 38 with your family. Come back for next Monday’s post and share experiences, questions, encourage others, etc.!

Some suggestions for doing the activities:

  • Set your family up for a success…do just one! Don’t try to do a bunch or plan really long times (If this is new, just doing one is a success).
  • Pray! Ask God to use these efforts to help your family know Him more or to help make a new practice in your family.
  • Don’t be surprised if it is hard the first time…or even goes poorly. Our families have patterns and this is asking them to do something different. Persevere, try it again and don’t lose heart if it doesn’t go well.
  • Realize your spouse may need time to think or plan. Ask your spouse for 5-10 minutes to pray and pick out an activity.
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A Spiritual Family Makeover…can it be done? And without another meeting?

January 9th, 2012

The concept of a family makeover may make you shudder. It may be a sense of “That can’t be done” or bring up infomercial cynicism. Or, perhaps, even create sadness because you don’t want to be disappointed… again.

Fair enough.

Helping our families grow spiritually is difficult. For many, it is not because we do not want to but because we do not know where to begin. That is where we are headed as we begin Faith Begins at Home: The Family Makeover with Christ at the Center. In the book, we will explore various “makeover” themes (home, parent, child, etc.). But, as the title reminds, parents, grandparents, etc. are major disciplers/mentors in their children’s spiritual lives.

No book is perfect but this short book will provide a place where we can start praying, getting into God’s Word, and seeking the Lord for and with our families. In that, there will be activities and ideas for you to try as a family. So, your commitment and follow through to this series is essential but, never forget, you are not alone…the Holy Spirit is working in your family with the ultimate goal of moving you toward maturity in the image of Christ (cf. Rom. 8:29; 1 Cor. 3:18).

Here’s how we’ll do it:

  • Each week we will read a short chapter OR do one of the activities at the end of the chapters.
  • A blog post will be put up on Mondays that will get an initial question or discussion started (starting next week). Consider subscribing to the blog so you get an email reminder.
  • Over the week, “reply”/discuss the blog post or others’ replies.
  • Please note that if you don’t see your posting immediately, it will be up shortly. The blog requires comments to be “validated” (approved for posting), which will be done once or twice a day at minimum.

Please consider these ideas as you begin this experience through the blog:

  • Check back regularly.
  • Be courageous…interact with a post or reply: Share your family’s experiences, ask questions, make suggestions, add ideas, disagree, discuss, etc. and generally interact with others’ posts and discussion.
  • Re-read your reply, thinking about how someone else may “hear”/read it. Writing is a different format than speaking and can be misunderstood. A good question to ask: Would you say this to their face in the same words and way?
  • Be respectful, even if you disagree. Don’t attack people.
  • Effective “replies” in blogs can be very brief and make it more likely people will read them.

Let’s pray: Heavenly Father, as we begin this study, we desire to seek You. We wish to have the work of Christ transform our families’ lives. May we be prepared to see Your hand, know You more, obey what You call us to, and commit to new practices and changes. Break old habits that we may be transformed as a family into the new creation You have called us to be. To Your glory, through Christ and in the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, we pray, Amen.

For Next Monday: Read Chapter 1, The Home Makeover…and check back at the blog on Monday!

The adventure begins…

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Is Christmas Running Your Finances (and Relationships) Dry?

December 14th, 2011

The Christmas season can be one that is very stressful financially, which can create challenges for relationships…family, friends and marriages. Below are some thoughts from Jimmy Evans of MarriageToday on keeping our relationships healthy by practicing faith-filled view of finances…

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I’ll never forget how shocked I was when I first heard that half of the couples filing for divorce will list financial problems as a significant cause.

I can’t vouch for the current accuracy of that statistic – I first ran across it several years ago – but it certainly seems right. From my own experience as a pastor and counselor, I know that a great number of marriages fail due to financial pressures…and the challenges that result from that kind of stress.

God meant money and material “things” to be a source of blessing and security. But finances can be a curse for many couples. Money leads to fights and conflict. It causes insecurity. It has a profound influence on a relationship.

That’s why, in dealing with hurting marriages, I often find myself teaching about money. Perhaps the most important principle couples need to know about finances is the principle of ownership.

Psalm 24:1 states, “The earth is the Lord’s and all it contains, the world, and those who dwell in it.”

Before we can truly succeed in our finances, we must first realize two things:

1) We own nothing.

2) God owns everything.

Our tendency is to obsess over the things in our lives but neglect to recognize God’s authority over them. Financial freedom is only possible once we repent to God for this behavior.

Next, we must completely submit everything we have to God. When it comes to handling our finances and making financial decisions, this is the step where most of us go wrong.

We act as if money and things really belong to us – instead of God – and make decisions without prayer or consulting God’s Word. At best, this leads to financial instability. At worst, it ends in financial disaster.

To avoid this potential result, we should surrender everything we have to God. Every possession. Every bank account. Every source of income. Every financial decision within the marriage. Everything.

When we surrender all and then use it as God directs, we have no reason to fear. God won’t allow His own belongings or decisions to be brought down.

But if we haven’t given everything we have to Him and made decisions based on His input, then we are right to be stressed. Because God never promised us security or blessing apart from complete submission to Him.

If everything belongs to God, then our role is to be stewards of His money. He has entrusted it to us. We must take care of it, use it wisely, and be obedient to the way He’d want it to be used.

This is the lesson of the parable of the talents as told by Jesus in Matthew 25. When we accept our stewardship over the Master’s money do His will, the rewards are great.

The world worships money – but the Christian man or woman must not. Instead, we all should acknowledge that it belongs to God and then use it in obedience to His will.

When we live this way, not only will we find improved marital security and peace of mind, but we’ll live in the prosperity and blessing God promises.

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CornFest 2011

July 21st, 2011

What a great day at Corn Fest and it could not have happened without all your help! Thank you all for your hard work and financial support. We ran out of corn (500 ears) an hour early, but had enough pork to run the rest of the time. All your hands made the day a huge success!

On July 28th at 6:00, we would like to show our appreciation for all those who helped by having a Helpers Corn Roast. We will supply the sweet corn, brats, and drinks, please bring along a dish to share. We will meet at the Watters. Please  RSVP by email (contact the church office to get their email addresses) or let one of the Outreach team know so we can get enough corn. All ages are welcome!

- The Outreach Team

Becky Lopez, Brian Hanson, Keith Hansen, Brett Dolliver, Bob Gilbertson, Julie Karpovich, Sue and Steve Watters

Click on any picture below for a larger image. On the page it brings you to, click on the picture below it to continue scrolling through the gallery – enjoy!



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Concrete Family Newsletter Issue 2

July 18th, 2011

Concrete is back with a second issue! Hopefully you enjoyed our first one and found its articles useful and interesting. In each issue we discuss ideas for how to have Local Family Fun, Parenting, Marriage, Family Faith, a summary of a Family Web Resource, and a ‘What’s Happening?’

We would also love for your help in getting this out to our community. We have hard copies available at FirstCov and if you know a great place to leave a stack for passersby to grab, please take some! And of course, feel free to send the Concrete link to your friends online who you think would benefit from it.

Read our second newsletter here!

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I Love to Tell the Story

July 15th, 2011

What are you doing this Sunday at 8am? Hopefully joining us to sing some of the great hymns written over history! As time goes on and hymns are not as well known, we hope to take this time to not only embrace our heritage, but to also appreciate why some of these hymns were written. We will be singing many hymns, but below, we have shared stories to a couple of them. Please read and then consider the questions after each story!


For the Beauty of the Earth

Since Roman times the town of Bath, on the banks of the Avon River in England, has been considered one of the most beautiful spots on the British Isles. Enclosed by an amphitheater of hills and blessed with warm springs, it has been both a pleasure resort and a health spa for the ailing.

Folliot Pierpoint was born in Bath but went away to attend Cambridge University, where he became a classical scholar and taught. But when he was twenty-nine years old he returned to his hometown of Bath. The beauty of the countryside in the late spring caused his heart to well up with emotion and inspired this hymn.

Each stanza thanks God for a different kind of beauty. In its original form it was a Communion hymn of eight stanzas. Each stanza concluded with the words “Christ our God, to thee we raise this our sacrifice of praise” alluding to Hebrews 13:15.

Do you praise God for the creation that surrounds you? Take some time this week to be outside and thank Him for the beauty of the earth.


Amazing Grace

The gift of forgiveness is often best appreciated by those who need it the most. The Revered John Newton experienced this truth firsthand. His tombstone tells the story: “John Newton, clerk, once an infidel and Libertine, a servant of slavers in Africa, was, by the rich mercy of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, preserved, restored, pardoned, and appointed to preach the faith he had so long labored to destroy.” These words were written by Newton himself, a testimony to God’s transforming power. After years as a hardened slave trader, that “wretch” met Jesus Christ and abruptly turned to defend the gospel he had so long despised.

Throughout Newton’s years of ministry, God’s amazing grace remained central to Newton’s thinking. When it was suggested he retire (at age eighty-two!) due to poor health and a failing memory, he responded, “My memory is nearly gone, but I remember two things: that I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Savior!”

And God raised us up with Christ.. in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:6-9

Is there a sin in your life that you think is too big for God to forgive for? One of the most famous hymns was written by a man who called himself an infidel before God transformed his life. Don’t hold back something that God is more than able to forgive and restore!

* Hymn Stories from “The One Year Book of Hymns” *
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How Does Technology Impact Your Family?

June 12th, 2011

This article comes from the Christian research organization called the Barna Group. Some good findings here on technology and how family life intersects with it. You can find the original link here.

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How Technology is Influencing Families

May 23, 2011 | Ventura, California

The digital age is affecting more than how America communicates. It is also shaping parent-child relationships in striking new ways.

Barna Group recently completed a study about the influence of technology in families, releasing the findings in a new digital report, The Family & Technology Report.

The research was conducted in partnership with Orange, which is part of the reThink Group. The innovative study included nationwide interviews among parents and 11- to 17-year-olds from the same households, allowing comparisons between the parents and the tweens and teenagers who reside in the same home.

Highlights from the study included the following five findings:

1. Parents are just as dependent on technology as are teens and tweens.
Most people assume that teenagers are driving the technology gap in families. Yet the research points out that the gap is much smaller than most imagine. In reality, parents are using technology and media to nearly the same degree as their 11- to 17-year-olds.

* Parents are more likely than their tween and teen offspring to report regular use of cell phones and desktop computers. They are just likely as their teens and tweens to use laptop computers and tablet-like devices.
* Parents watch just as much television and movies, use the Internet for as many minutes per day, and spend more time on the telephone and emailing than do their tween- and teen-aged children.
* The technology and media-related tasks that young people do more often than their parents are listening to music, texting, and playing video games. Even in these categories, most parents are surprisingly active.

Like other national studies have shown, parents are spending nearly the same amount of time per day as their tween and teen-aged kids consuming media and using various digital technologies. The gap was even smaller among families with parents who are still in their thirties or early forties. In other words, younger parents are even more technology- and media-dependent than older parents. All of this points to the fact that the digital world has influenced all members of the family, not just teens.

2. Most family members, even parents, feel that technology has been a positive influence on their families.
While many assume that families are fed up with technology, by nearly a two-to-one ratio parents think of technology like computers, cell phones and video game systems as making their family life better rather than worse (32% to 18%). Most describe the influence as neutral (51%). Interestingly, parents are actually even more favorable toward entertainment like music, movies and television than toward technology, saying its influence is more positive than negative by a five-to-one ratio (38% versus 7%). A slim majority of parents feel entertainment is neither good nor bad (55%).

As relatively unconcerned as parents are about technology and media, the students in their home are even more positive about these elements of modern life. Tweens and teens are substantially more likely to describe technology’s influence as positive rather than negative (47% to 6%); similar ratings hold true for young people’s view toward entertainment (56% to 2%).

The conclusion is that most families welcome technology and media with open arms, rather than with suspicion. One of the reasons for this may be that many families use technology, including television, movies and video games, as a shared experience.

3. Very few adults or youth take substantial breaks from technology.
Americans’ dependence on—what some might call addiction to—digital technology is apparent in the study’s findings. One out of three parents and nearly half of 11- to 17-year-olds say there are not any specific times when they “make the choice to disconnect from or turn off technology so they can have a break from it.” And those who take such breaks tend to be driven by convenience rather than intentionality. For example, only 10% of parents and 6% of teenagers say they try to take off one day a week from their digital usage.

This reliance translates into some interesting behaviors and habits. Nearly half of both parents and teens said they emailed, texted or talked on the phone while eating in the last week. Two out of five youth and one-third of parents have used two or more screens simultaneously during this time period. And half of students and one-fifth of parents have checked email or text messages in bed in the last seven days. The question arises whether families are in control of their technology or being controlled by it.

4. Families experience conflict about technology, but not in predictable ways.
First, parents and their children experience conflict about technology, but not frequently. Only about one in every four parents said they had “strong disagreements about the limits on media and technology” on a weekly basis. About the same proportion says that “technology causes tension between me and my parents / kids.” Still, half of parents (49%) worry about technology and media wasting their children’s time, among other things. For their part, one-fifth of youth (21%) say their parents have a “double standard when it comes to technology.” And one-sixth of these tweens and teens (17%) say their parents “bring their work home with them too much,” a habit certainly abetted by pervasive technology.

Second, parents and youth are most disappointed by technology because it is “so expensive to get the latest,” not because of the unwanted content or the isolation it can bring. In fact, only 39% of parents and 27% of tweens and teens say they get frustrated by technology because it “makes it hard to have conversations.” The conclusion stemming from the research is that technology seems to amplify the relational patterns and problems already in place: families that have healthy and frequent conversations find technology aiding that process, while families without such healthy interactions find that technology exacerbates the isolation of its members.

5. Few families have experienced—or expect—churches to address technology.
Most parents and tweens/teens have not heard any kind of teaching in a church, religious setting, or public forum (like a school) about how families can best use media, entertainment or technology. In other words, most families are not getting any coaching or assistance when it comes to integrating technology into their family life. When asked if they would be open to one version of such training—“a Christian or faith-based perspective about how to be a good user of entertainment and technology without letting things negatively impact your family relationships”—about two-fifths of parents (42%) and one-third of tweens and teens (33%) expressed interest. The implication is that faith communities could take a leadership role in teaching about the proper use of technology in healthy families.

Commentary on the Findings
David Kinnaman, president of Barna Group, expressed the need for the Christian community to expand its concept of stewardship. “Perhaps technology should be added to discussions about stewardship. Technology is as old as craftman’s tools. But today’s digital and emerging technologies are in a different class than hundreds of other hobbies or interests because they have come to significantly define the use of time, the development of talent, and the allocation of money.

“Technology is shaping family interactions in unprecedented ways, but we seem to lack a strategic commitment to the stewardship of technology. The Christian community needs a better, more holistic understanding of how to manage existing and coming technological advances. Parents, tweens and teens need more coaching and input in order to face the countless choices they make regarding how technology affects their attention, interests, talents and resources.”

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